Hiding Secrets in Synchronized Chaos

Dumating na ba ang part ng buhay mo na gusto mo nalang bitawan lahat ng meron ka? "i-tier", a little. Parang ang sarap nalang sana i reset ang lahat at magsimula uli. May mga pagkakataon na kahit anong pilit mo sa ilang bagay, kung hindi talaga panahon, bale wala. Some things just need to mature for them to appreciate the what is and the what nots. Pag wala kang halaga, nasa dulo ka ng priority list. Pag mahina loob mo wala kang mapapala. Pag di ka nag risk di mo malalaman at wala kang mahihita. Ive done my part, at ang tagal ko na rin ginagawa yun. Asan na ang balik? Wala, ayawan na suko na ko. Sound trip nalang tayo.

3 August 06

Kabisado ko na ung linya ko kay bossing.
"Would it be possible for me to leave at six cause ill be checking out this guitar somewhere in quezon city?"
He understands my GAS so mas specific ako sa music-excuse, mas mabuti.
Na confirm ko na rin kasi kay derek (xplod) na pupuntahan ko ung guitar sa office nya sa Gilmore. Kaya sa ayaw at sa hindi ni boss, aalis talaga ko, pero knowing him, papayagan naman ako nun basta dapat maaga ko magsabi.
Well anyway, di ko na nagamit un dahil tamang tama naman, uuwi rin sya ng UK at mga 1pm palang chumugi na sya evah.
Tamang tama, magandang timing, magandang senyales. Buti sinamahan din ako ni eric, nagkita kami sa Farmers, pumunta sa gateway at sumakay ng MRT2. First ride ko un sa MRT2, para kong taga bundok. Ang ganda ng MRT2, ang luwag ng station at ng train at grabe…. ay wag na nga yan, so ayun mabalik tayo sa 570. Pinuntahan na nga namin at tinest sa parking lot. Maayos pa. Stripped lang talaga ung paint at walang trem bar. May minor na sabi ni eric na pinalitan na pero ung tuners at Lo Pro orig pa rin. Electronics mukang pinalitan na dahil mahigpit at masikip pa pag pinihit pati ung selector, baka 2nd gen na ung electronics nun, baka lang. Well anyway.. eto na ung pics.

So ayun ok na ang pang gas pero not till I get my retro. Pero sa ngayon, the P14k is in my pocket na. Sold the AFS75 kagabi. Mikael and I met sa MCdo Monumento and went home for him to check the guitar out. He liked it agad. Not only for the cheap price I was offering it, but because its almost new and that his expectations of a guitar to buy is not as specific as mine. Its RG all the way for me brudda. Wiz neck, superstrat body, jumbo frets, floating trem ahhh.. I am reminded nanaman of this RG ill be checking out tomorrow with eric. Nakaka wala ng concetration, lalo pat kelangan ko i detail ang work done ko in a day, tsk tapos di ako maka trabaho. Shitsky. So ayun na nga diba, I bade the AFS goodbye together with Neil Chuas softcase and Washburn strap and plus a cheap cable and of course the Gator hard case. Mikael seemed uber happy with it. Im so a bad salesperson talaga. Deng.
So ayun na nga.. Gasing for a 350ex or dx or this…

Lo Pro Edge
Gold Hardware
MIJ
Mahogany-Stripped paint.
Trem arm-replacement lang nawala daw e
Pearl dot inlays
Wizard neck
IBZ pups
What do you think arjin?

LO PRO Neck Plate

Floyd ng Washburn.

Nakuha ko na ung floyd from Kuya Andy ng Datus Tribe through Sean. Di ko magagamit dahil loose ung thread ng bakal sa ilalim. Good for parts nalang. Bad.
Raised.
So ayun na nga pare, finally got the news laid out in my face when EBW went here to have me sign the formality stuffs. As much as Mel would like me (as I read from his face and continuous pokes of me getting GAS on buying stuffs) to be proud of the promotion (and increase), EBW asked me to put the slip in my pocket agad agad after signing because of our previous phone call arrangement of not letting anyone on our secret (its legit) because my promotion is a 50% increase from my previous salary. Politics. Pero its one safe way of not shaking the waters na rin. To keep it low. So Senior Document Controller (Specialist)? Good? No. Better. Think, 7 MONTHs na Retro.
Ako Teacher?

So ayun, Saturday, we went to Ortigas nila ate Mae at Kuya Tim to attend this seminar. Its all good, kaya lang di ko kaya.. Mahirap, hindi ko kaya. I wonder how I can tell others that they can do it, pero I cant condition my mind enuff to go for what I say. Hay, insecurities and frustrations, lack of confidence and the abstract perseption of something too vague to fathom. Nakita ko rin pala si Kuya Allen dahil kasama sya ni kuya Tim, Nasa Norway na kse sya at umuwi lang for a couple of weeks of research stuffs. Good? Cant see myself that far yet.
Accepting Defeat.
Gusto ko uli mag aral pero dahil takot ako sa pagkatalo, I dont think I want to try. Slow learner ako, kailangan ko ng upper hand advantage, more time.
Keeping God out of the equation.
Pangalawang linggo ko na di nag sisimba and somehow I feel better not trying to ever want to cope up with what people put me through. Ayoko na sa simbahan. Di un para sakin. Magulo sa simbahan. Di ko hinahanap ang Diyos. Though I feel my moms dissappointment, pero ewan ko.. Ayoko na talaga dun. Bad.
Relearning HTML.
May racket kami ni raymond na kailangan pagusapan. So I went there ng linggo at pinakita nya ung layout nya ng openning page ng site na gagawin namin. Medjo plain pa masyado ung layout, kelangan pa ng spice. Sisimulan ko na dapat ung site pero kelangan ko muna aralin ung materials nila. Tingnan kung anong maayos na way para ibenta ung services nila online.
So after pinapunta namin si Harrie sa bahay nila mon at tumuloy kami ng bambang kahit medjo maulan. Shopping hehehe. Maganda sa bambang, at di tulad ng ibang ukay ukay, ma aayos ung marami sa mga products nila dun. Nakabili si mon ng A/X na jacket at polo. Si harrie naman, Camper na sapatos at nag down na sya para dun sa Astroboy na bag dahil kilala naman sya dun. Nakabili ako ng Caterpillar na sapatos at Shirt na Southpark. P1500 sa sapatos at 250 sa shirt. Ok na rin kahit mahal than usual ung shoes. Parang di gamit e. Ill be back there uli sa sweldo, good? No. Hehehe.

Oh Glenda.
Ayos ung panahon lately. Bumabagyo. Basa ang paligid. Malakas ang hangin at hindi mainit. Ilang araw ko na rin tinitiis ung slightly basang sock tip sa paa ko. Ok lang minsan nag sisinelas lang ako dito sa office pag nasa station ko, para matuyo ng konti ung medjas. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam pag mahangin at madilim ang kalangitan. It washes away the heat in everyone. Malamig, may gamit ang jacket. Pero walang silbi pa rin ang maliliit na payong pag mahangin at maulan. Siguradong basa ang medjas bago makarating sa office. Anyway…
Starbs tambay.
Tinawagan ako ni mon kahapon para i meet ung client nya na nag papagawa ng website. 2 babae, gusto pa i haggle ung fee tapos gusto pa flash ang intro. Teh Hell… Mukang gagapang nanaman ako neto sa pag cope up sa pag gawa ng site. Tagal ko na ring di ginawa un.. Kaya ko ng one day to one week since static naman pero suited un sa sarili kong taste e dalawa kami ni mon na kelangan gumawa na ayun sa gusto ng client so siguro one month ng batuhan ng ideas at back and forth ng comments sa client. Racket na to, sideline. Buti meron. Now I have to push myself to relearn what seems to be mga kabalastugan lang dati.. HTML.
Jamming with Gerald.

Sunday I picked up Gerald sa monumento after ko bumili ng dalawang 80pack na CD case and some 20 cds sa CDr King. Nag jam lang kami sa bahay at nag record sya ng Jam 5 Take nya. Nga pala na release na ung Jam 5 and Im not satisfied with the output. Medjo off sa sync ung solo ko and ung delay like feedback na nilagay ni sir Al sa third part up to sa dulo e medjo di ko type. Pero ok lang andun na e. Mahirap din siguro para kay Sir Al trabahuin un at ipasok sa priorities nya now that Jam 6 is just around the corner.

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So ayun na nga, medjo masakit sa ulo (literaly) ung recording session namin ni Gerald dahil gusto nya ung spontaneous na emotional outburst takes e at walang putol. So one take lang tapos Spontaneous. Wheeww. Dami rin naming takes to finally come up with 4 solos. Hirap pa nun walang variation ung tone ni Gerald, minsan lang sya nag distortion tapos mostly clean na. Inabot na sya ng mga 8 sa bahay, cavite pa sya uuwi. I dont know if he was able to pick one na at this time. May Jam din kami mala tequilla sunrise hehe. Trip lang.

Bday sa Max SM North.

So ayun sabado, didnt invite anyone kahit mom kept insisting that I invite at least 4 people sa Family gathering. Pinagusapan din ung 70th bday ni erpats, mom wants it to be special kaya un ung pinagusapan ng lahat. Afterwards tumuloy ako sa celebration nila Luis Choyaw at Mationg, nakasalubong ko pa si Mark dala ung van nya. Buti na rin dahil sarado na ung gate sa lugar nila Luis so umikot pa kami. Stayed there till around 1 at sumabay na kina Krister at Bernard since susunduin ni Bernard ung family nya sa Karuhatan. Im glad na everyones doing fine despite some selected instances na medjo malabo pa rin sakin. Madami pa ring inggitan among other kabarkadas. Pero thats something I shouldnt take sides on as always, tatanda nyo na no.
Ryan.
Pumasa pala sa board exams ung bro ni Jongs. Archi. Magaling talaga ung bata, sana ma meet ko rin sya soon. Marunong din daw magitara, must be a great guy.
Friday stealth mode.
Ok na sana sa first parts.. Tahimik. Walang bago. Walang kapuna puna. Tinanong ako ng boss ko, how are you? sabi ko.. same as yesterday, "So thats great?" sabi ko NO. Hehehe. Tapos tumawag ung taga Citra, ok lang sana kung ako lang ung pinuntahan nung tawag pero hindi, dumaan pa kay ate Joy at dun na nila nalaman na Bday ko. Ayos. Naitago ko na sana ng mabuti kung di lang tumawag ung taga Citra, si mama Tet. May ka bday din kse ko dun kaya alam nila mga may bday ng July. Ok naman nag pa pizza si bossing and I am masaya for that because I didnt have to spend money on anything.

So ayun nag blog ako ng pabalik. Malungkot talaga ko the previous week ewan ko ba. Failure lang talaga consideration ko sa buhay ko. Na mimiss ko ang bacolod pag umuulan. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam pag kasama mo ang mahal mo habang umuulan. Nawawala lahat ng alalhanin at problema. Hay, matagal pa uli. Buti out of all the misery the previous week, something good happened. The outcome of this..

No not japanese in El Pueblo. The second item. So ayun, that gave me hope, for now kahit alam kong magiging super bigat ng trabaho na un. Di ko pa alam kung kailan effective pero Senior Document Controller na ko! Salamat kay Sir Jun..

Kaya lang.. Just this afternoon, tumawag ang HR and yada yada yada.. masyado daw malaki ang increase ko yada yada yada.. i think she boiled it down to 10-15% as I understood, if she doesnt give me the supposed 50%, im outta here.

I made it through today. Even though i feel so low and hopeless. I take time to whine a little. Funny how the best intentions can sometimes cause one to be moved at a certain edge that makes him feel all fizzy and depressed at the same time. It sucks. Was talking to my brother over YM and he presented once again this idea of migrating through job employment sa US. The cost is no joke but the reap is great. If only I can live up to that. I dont know, im not really as smart as him pero he’s trying to give me the impression that I can make it. I dont know.. I cant. I dont think I can.

A day to want to be happy is tomorrow yet I cant see any reason why I should be. 10 years of my life has been a failure and to no consolation, probably the next few years would be the same. A day to be happy, and a couple of years more to mourn. Wheres the proportion in that?

Tomorrow is only great cause its a Friday.

PRODIKEYS PC-MIDI
Once upon a time sa chatroom.. nabanggit ni sir al ung Prodikeys.. kainis. tinamaan ako agad ng gas.. Lalo nung nalaman ko sa ym inquiry ko sa taga villman na nasa around P2500 lang sya, same price with the PRODIKEYS DM series..
PC MIDI Controller at PC Keyboard din sya. Syet, what more can I ask for as a birthday gift? Sayang a luxury like that is not easy to request. Frustrating. Grrrr. Gas. Kelangan ko umutot.
Guitarfetish..

Eto rin sana magandang birthday gift. Mura lang sya kung tutuusin. Kung drop in replacement sya sa Lo Trs 2 di ko na inalam, di rin naman ako makakabili. Not in the near future din.
Ok din sana ung RG350ex ng Ibanez, kahit indonesia pasado na sakin un hehe. Gusto ko lang talaga ng Bagong RG. Sarap siguro ng nag uumapaw sa gitara, pero pag ganun naaalala ko ung aesops fables na..

To be satisfied with one’s lot is better than to desire something which one is not fitted to receive.
Precious things are for those that can prize them.

Baka di ko rin deserve.  Pero naisip ko rin to.. kung sakaling marami nga akong gamit…

Better one safe way than a hundred on which you cannot reckon..

Baka di ko rin magamit pag masyadong maraming ang gears. Either way, its close to impossible for all these.. sa ngayon. Yan lang ung mga gusto ko ma acquire maybe in the next few years given that I have something to spare for em. Milagro ang kelangan ko sa ngayon pero kelangan ko na rin talaga mag hanap ng mas maayos na work to feed my GAS kahit konti lang.

Pa Order
Nagpaorder pala ko kay Sean ng stuffs dahil magpapadala ung kamag anak nya sa kanya. Puro maintenance stuffs lang pang regalo ko sa sarili ko. 9Months na rin pla kse ung Strings ko mula nung nakuha ko kay arjin ung Floyd replacement dati. Hirap ng buhay di ma prioritize ang strings hehehe.

Dunlop Nylon Jazz III Pick
-RED 6 Pack $2.99 3pcs ng 6pack na red)
D’Addario EXL125 Super Light Top/Regular Bottom Electric Guitar Strings
-3 pack $8.99 (1 pc na 3pack)
American Cable Co. Standard 1/4" Straight Guitar Cable
-Neon Yellow 30ft $11.99 (1pc na 30ft)

2.99 * 3 =  8.97
    8.99
+  11.99
    $29.95

JOLLIBEE Black Hat techniques.
Best read here. I dont know much about the mumbo jumbos of cloaking and meta tags and black hats stuffs. Pero I guess thats something I should find out later in life.
IP Look up.
Ayos din to na link na binigay ni rye. Kaya lang di rin sya assurance talaga to pinpoint someones location.
Jam 5
Tinapos ko na ung take ko dahil gusto ko na maglaro uli ng GTA SA. Medjo ayaw nya ng drivers ng ASIO e, nag pa pop, mas gusto nya ung SB LIVE VALUE Drivers. So eto medjo raw sounding at madaming cuts for the 2 guitars na effect.

Ay update..
Di pa tapos pero eto ung mix ni al sa takes namin ni nuts..

Attn: Entrepeneurs
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s
world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain
name selected as other see it and not just as you think it
looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the
following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products
and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough
consideration:

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

I have convinced myself a long time ago that I must lessen what I expect from you. But it keeps coming back on me, thinking that somehow things have changed. A step I took up the ladder, then back then another step down. Eventually I have lost hope. Eventually, i died a little everytime I see how impossible things are for our situation and the reaction you impose and deem as the proper approach in handling such. There is no hope for me to see any light on this, given the fact that I have been on the edge of my capabilities almost a hundred percent of the time to project myself to you and prove myself, but thats just how things are. I see myself threading a long mile of desert battling the winds with my efforts, shifting weight to counter act and while keeping my eyes open, hardly seeing complications and things behind you, yet still focused on what I want, not thinking of what others may and will conclude. You reach out a hand, a finger hardly touching mine, but pull it out gradually everytime I draw near. Im nearing the edge, Im almost near my downfall.
The season of madness is about to begin.. Im watching, counting rain drops fall. Equating sorrow with frustration and defining everything as misfortune. Nothing more I can do but fall from the edge, feel the solitude and effortlesness of falling. Such a relief, nothing in mind. Peaceful, everythings irrelevant now. Wishing I would feel the travel/drop longer. From where I came from, theres nothing better feeling this kind of high.

Ang layo pala ng nilalakad ko araw araw…
Karuhatan and Home

MInsan from SM Valenzuela nilalakad ko to Karuhatan then up to Padrigal Street tapos hanggang sa bahay namin.. Ang layo rin pala. Compute ko from Karuhatan to Our place is around 1.5km so baka mga 2km ang SM to home. Dati nag ta tricycle pa ko pa puntang karuhatan, well minsan pag mainit I still do pero pag umaga, madalang nalang. Tipid din ng P7 or P14 pag 2 na ang kinuha mo, which is ung puno ng tricycle.
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MRT to the Office

Araw araw, bumababa ako sa MRT Ortigas station. Ang layo din pala. Hassle pa pag umuulan at walang payong. Buti kahit papano may masisilungan sa gilid ng SM pero after that, wala na. Di pa ko nakapag FX papasok, pero pauwi, minsan minsan, pag kailangan.
Lahat ng nilalakad ko, di naman ganun ka layo, nakasanayan ko na rin siguro sa ilang taon kong ginagawa un. At least may exercise ako kahit puro sa legs lang. Around 3 kilometers by two din un.

Galing talaga ng technology. Integrated na sa Google. Sattelite power!

-PS

Joms and Animal

At dahil wala nga rin pala kong magawa, naisipan ko uli i compare ang pic ni joms at ni animal ng muppets. Grabe magkamuka talaga sila.

Update: